Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Are your actions really saying what your heart believes?  What should you do when your actions say things to your spouse other than the words you speak?  Communication is one of the common issues that spring up in marriage; it really becomes a barometer of the health of a marriage.  When the communication is good, a marriage thrives; but when communication is bad a marriage struggles.  I’ve had my challenges in this area.  I’m improving…but I still have a ways to go.

Paul tells us here in Ephesians that we (husbands) are to love our wives as much as (or more than) we love ourselves.  A very important part of loving someone is communicating that love.  I can communicate love by my words, and also by my actions, but there is a problem when the two are not aligned.  The other night I was the MC for a fundraiser at my job.  It was the first of this magnitude so I wanted my family there to share with me, especially since I would be there all day missing a family function.  Just before the event, things really began to pick up and before I knew it we were well into the bulk of the program.  I had not even as much as greeted my wife and family (maybe brief eye contact).

This obviously did not communicate to Vanessa how glad I was that they made it and that I was extremely happy to see them there in support.  When I finally came over to the table they were preparing to leave; not ideal for spending time with those most important to me.  As I walked them out to the car I could definitely tell that Vanessa wished they hadn’t ever come.  When we finally wrapped up and I was on my way home, I called and Vanessa shared something that really blew me away; “this is what you always do” she said.  This was not the first time that I had acted in a similar manner which continued to communicate to her was that she and our family were not as important as I’ve stated.  As would be imagined, I was hurt not because of what she said but what my actions said to her and my kids.  As a husband and father it is important to me that they know my heart towards them and if that is not being communicated then there is no way that I am loving my own wife as my own body.

So why am I sharing this?  Because after hearing my wife’s heart I realized that something needed to change.  I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of a message taught by Frank Wilson at a men’s conference in Philadelphia (10 yrs ago).  He talked about how to show your wife that she is the most important person in your life.  He spoke about how he shows his wife, Bunny, just how important she is to him, specifically when he is serving or working in some capacity.  “The minute Bunny walks in the room and I see her, I stop whatever I’m doing and go to her; this acknowledges her presence.  I then check to see if there is anything she needs from me and if so I do it or I assure her that it will be dealt with.”  This ensured his wife Bunny knew that she was indeed the most important person in his life.

Now I am not Frank Wilson, and may never get to where he and Bunny are in their marriage, but I at least have something to shoot for.  My help in communicating my love is the Holy Spirit, you see Jesus knows me and my wife, therefore as I look to Him for wisdom He will direct my path. I encourage you (brothers) that what you say has to match what you do and if the two don’t align, then it has to be dealt with immediately.  Jesus will help you deal with the issues in your marriage, and show you how to make all of your communication consistent.  While letting Jesus help your communication you will begin to love your own wives as your own bodies, and by doing so your marriage will thrive.

God Bless You!