Category Archives: Family Ministry

God’s Word for Marriages, Parenting and Sibling Relationships.

Love That Speaks Volumes

Family Ministry

Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Are your actions really saying what your heart believes?  What should you do when your actions say things to your spouse other than the words you speak?  Communication is one of the common issues that spring up in marriage; it really becomes a barometer of the health of a marriage.  When the communication is good, a marriage thrives; but when communication is bad a marriage struggles.  I’ve had my challenges in this area.  I’m improving…but I still have a ways to go.

Paul tells us here in Ephesians that we (husbands) are to love our wives as much as (or more than) we love ourselves.  A very important part of loving someone is communicating that love.  I can communicate love by my words, and also by my actions, but there is a problem when the two are not aligned.  The other night I was the MC for a fundraiser at my job.  It was the first of this magnitude so I wanted my family there to share with me, especially since I would be there all day missing a family function.  Just before the event, things really began to pick up and before I knew it we were well into the bulk of the program.  I had not even as much as greeted my wife and family (maybe brief eye contact).

This obviously did not communicate to Vanessa how glad I was that they made it and that I was extremely happy to see them there in support.  When I finally came over to the table they were preparing to leave; not ideal for spending time with those most important to me.  As I walked them out to the car I could definitely tell that Vanessa wished they hadn’t ever come.  When we finally wrapped up and I was on my way home, I called and Vanessa shared something that really blew me away; “this is what you always do” she said.  This was not the first time that I had acted in a similar manner which continued to communicate to her was that she and our family were not as important as I’ve stated.  As would be imagined, I was hurt not because of what she said but what my actions said to her and my kids.  As a husband and father it is important to me that they know my heart towards them and if that is not being communicated then there is no way that I am loving my own wife as my own body.

So why am I sharing this?  Because after hearing my wife’s heart I realized that something needed to change.  I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of a message taught by Frank Wilson at a men’s conference in Philadelphia (10 yrs ago).  He talked about how to show your wife that she is the most important person in your life.  He spoke about how he shows his wife, Bunny, just how important she is to him, specifically when he is serving or working in some capacity.  “The minute Bunny walks in the room and I see her, I stop whatever I’m doing and go to her; this acknowledges her presence.  I then check to see if there is anything she needs from me and if so I do it or I assure her that it will be dealt with.”  This ensured his wife Bunny knew that she was indeed the most important person in his life.

Now I am not Frank Wilson, and may never get to where he and Bunny are in their marriage, but I at least have something to shoot for.  My help in communicating my love is the Holy Spirit, you see Jesus knows me and my wife, therefore as I look to Him for wisdom He will direct my path. I encourage you (brothers) that what you say has to match what you do and if the two don’t align, then it has to be dealt with immediately.  Jesus will help you deal with the issues in your marriage, and show you how to make all of your communication consistent.  While letting Jesus help your communication you will begin to love your own wives as your own bodies, and by doing so your marriage will thrive.

God Bless You!

Happy Anniversary

Family Ministry

Mark 10:7 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,8 and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

            Yesterday marked nine years of marriage to my beautiful wife Vanessa.   We have been blessed tremendously during the past 3204 days to include three wonderful children, health and employment, along with so many other intangibles.  We have had two major moves and are currently preparing for the next one.  I can honestly say that I love her more today than I did the day I said “I do.”  That being said, let me make this crystal clear: everyday has not been a bed of roses.  There have been many days that have felt more like a bed of nails (like in the old Kung-Fu movies); but there has been a common thread throughout our marriage that has knitted our hearts closer than we ever would/could.

I’ve quoted a familiar scripture from the Gospels.  The content is very important as God has shared a few things that have helped us succeed thus far in marriage.

1.  Roles:  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.  When we made up in our minds we were getting married we determined that our current roles (son, daughter, sister or brother) had to change.  We had to prioritize our new roles as husband and wife, and by doing so, ensure that only the Holy Spirit is an outside decision maker in our marriage.  Ultimately, doing this did not make everyone happy, but we set a precedent for the health of our marriage.

2. Realization:  and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.  In man’s economy 1+1=2 and in most marriages it sometimes equals 6 or more, while in God’s economy 1+1=1.  We had to realize that Jesus has to have center stage in our marriage so when we married we became one.  Achieving this is not easy and definitely something I started learning early on.  There is another important realization: Vanessa and I are a team, not enemies.  It’s difficult to remember at times but after the emotions explode, we have to fall back and remember that we are a team.  This way we battle the enemy (Satan) that is out to destroy everything we stand for and not each other.

3. Reality: Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.  Our reality is that our marriage was put together by God and we are not allowed to break it up.  Our role in this marriage is to trust the Lord more than ever and listen to Him about how to stay together.  We need to know when to push and when to give; when to shout and when to listen; when to love and when to fight; when to get help and when to keep it in house.  Our reality is that marriage is not easy but with God all things are possible, including our marriage.  This is your reality also.  Your marriage may be tough, but with God even your marriage can succeed.

These are a few things that have and continue to help us, but God will give you your keys to success.  We continue to love one another after nine years, but we have so much further to go.  As we continue to live and trust these keys God has given us we will see many more years together.  We are praying that you allow God to do the same in your marriage.  As we celebrate our anniversary today we also celebrate God’s goodness and presence in our marriage.  God bless you all.

It’s Time to Fight

Family Ministry, Uncategorized

1 Sam 30:8 So David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”

Every February, businesses and entrepreneurs alike, flood stores, internet and even the busiest street corners with red roses, plush teddy bears, sweet chocolate and many other tokens representing love and affection.  Unfortunately for many, all of these romantic trinkets will not do anything to mend the hurt, anger and hate that have filled the hearts of so many spouses.   Statistics show that well over 70% of marriages fail and a majority of pre-marital relationships seldom end in matrimony.  The fact is, our enemy the devil, is attacking relationships.  He always has and always will.  The sad thing is that he is not always working solo.  Many have made poor choices that have opened the door for him to enter into relationships and wreak havoc in the lives of so many families.

My wife and kids mean so much to me and I can assure you that if I lost them my LIFE would be drastically impaired.  Divorce is an unbearable reality that many families are dealing with today.  David had an unbearable reality to deal with, but the Lord used his situation to give us wisdom to help many marriages today.  David along with his mighty men returned to their families in Ziklag only to find that the Amalekites had ravaged their homes taking captive their wives and children.  An enemy had literally just destroyed their lives.  David lost everything and the very people he led were ready to kill him.  He was devastated and downtrodden but he had a decision to make.

This February, you too have a decision to make!!  Will you sit back while the enemy steals, kills and destroys your family?  While the enemy picks apart the life you and your spouse have built together, will you sit in disappointment and disbelief or will you follow David’s example and “FIGHT TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK”.  Let’s see what he did.

  1. Strengthened Himself:  vs 6 … But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God. This familiar verse is quoted often and there’s a great reason for it.  David was devastated; he was at his lowest point and David had many low points in his life.  Many people going through serious marital problems often find themselves feeling as low as David did.  David understood that he was dealing with something that no counselor, friend or family member was going to be able to help with.  He had to get his strength from the only source that gives power.  Jesus is waiting for us to tap into His power and strength.  Marriages need Jesus in their center, that is the bottom line.  Regardless of the situation your marriage is in, you can gain strength by trusting in Jesus and walking in the strength He has given you.
  2. Worshiped His Savior:  vs 7 Then David said to Abiathar the priest, Ahimelech’s son, “Please bring the ephod here to me.” And Abiathar brought the ephod to David.  After David was strengthened he went right into worship.  He later donned the linen ephod which was worn originally by the High Priest then by ordinary priests.  They wore it before going into the temple to worship so David wore it so that he could worship the Lord.  David was all out of sorts and confused yet realized that before he could do anything about this situation, he needed to worship the Lord.  Worship is focusing our affection on Jesus.  When we do that we cannot think about or even see anything but Jesus and His amazing Love for us.  Stop looking at the faults of your spouse…worship the Lord.  Rather than trying to fix things that you don’t know how to…worship the Lord.  Worship Jesus and get your focus back.  Remember who God is, all that He has done for you, how much He loves you and all that He is able to do.  When we worship, we place our focus on our solution (Jesus).
  3. Inquired Direction:  vs 8 So David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?”.…  After David worshiped he was ready to get God’s direction.  Now that David’s focus was clear, he needed to know what to do next.  In marriage we often ask everyone else (other people who have their own problems), before we ask the One who has all of the solutions.  Jesus knows what we need to do, when we need to do it and just how it needs to be done.  Inquire of the Lord and ask about your next step in marriage.  Ask about what you should learn, how you can be better, how can you love better, how can you serve better. Whatever you need to know, ask Jesus first.  After all “we have not because we ask not.”
  4. Pursued His Enemy:  vs 8 …And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.” 10 But David pursued, he and four hundred men…  When David got the word from God, he took immediate action.  You see he asked God what to do and God told him to pursue.  Pursue means to go after with vigor, chase or persecute.  God, in essence, told David to fight; fight for his family and the very life which had just been destroyed.  This is the same word for you today.  Don’t let the enemy get away with the destruction he has caused, FIGHT.  Why?  God told David to fight in answer to the question he asked, but the Lord being omnipotent also answered a question that David did not ask: why he should fight?  “My life will be better without them.” “They are not willing to work so why should I?”  “Is it even worth it?”  These are all questions that will often come right after Jesus prompts us to fight for our marriages.  Since He knew this, He gave the answer in advance.  The Lord said “for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”  Without fail, because Jesus is with you everything will be recovered:  the love of your life, your best friend, the intimacy both physically and emotionally;  it will all be recovered.  You will get everything back, just trust the Lord to do the heavy lifting on your behalf.  You believe, Jesus will achieve and in the end you and your spouse will be relieved (I could not resist).
  5. Triumphed Beyond Victory: vs 20 Then David took all the flocks and herds they had driven before those other livestock, and said, “This is David’s spoil.”  After David recovered everything that had been stolen by the enemy, he realized that God had given him more.  When we triumph with God, it is always exceedingly and abundantly more than we can imagine.  David not only recovered all that he lost, but he received extra (some would say he got his with interest).  The text states Then David took all the flocks and herds they had driven before those other livestock, and said, “This is David’s spoil.”  Jesus always leaves us better off, than we originally were, in David’s case, he received the spoil.  In your case, you marriage will be more exciting, intimate and stronger than it ever was.  You and your children will become closer and more transparent as well.  You can trust God like David did, he triumphed beyond victory, regaining everything that he lost and more.  Trust Him….and recover your better life.

Conclusion: This February make up in your mind that you will believe the Lord and FIGHT, as you do you will recover all.  You will be better, your marriage, your children, even those around you will benefit.  Remember this; it is not your actions that are changing your situation, but the actions of Jesus Christ on Calvary’s Cross years ago.  Victory was given to us all when He defeated death and Satan by standing in our place.  You can rest assured that what He did was more than enough for us to have victory, as we FIGHT for our marriages and families.  FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE TODAY!!